Dear Jez,
So I have recently befriended a couple of guys at work who live together. May I pause to mention that one is an absolutely adorable black man that I want to do dirty nasty things with. The other has potential to be a really great friend in my eyes but I'm worried that he feels differently about the situation. I don't want to send the wrong signals to the friend but at the same time I want to make sure the the beautiful man knows I'm interested!
I have given off signals to the friend to let him know that I am not interested in him like that but I find myself spending time at their house often because I want to be around this beautiful man and I enjoying spending time with the friend. I don't want to come out and say "I'm not interested in you like that" because I don't want to hurt his feelings. So here's the deal... how do I make sure that the beautiful man knows that I want to fuck his brains out but also make sure that the friend knows that I just want to be friends and most importantly not hurt anyone in the process?
-caffeine addicted
CA,
What a mess you have yourself in. Or potentially have yourself in. Having gone through a "work experience" recently, my first advice is to be very careful. Hurt feelings need to be avoided by everyone; but mostly for you. Protect your own ass first, everyone else second.
That said, carefully test the water with the beautiful man. If you get the feeling he's into it, push a little further. How far you put yourself out there is up to you and your comfort level. I have a hard time with boundaries when it comes to the object of my desire, but that's not always a good thing.
As far as the friend goes......you may have to just tell him straight up that you're "just not that into him". Whatever you do, you cannot use "work" as the reason not to fuck the friend. It'll just look bad when the beautiful man is pounding you down the hall from his room.
Good Luck CA!
XOXO,
I have given off signals to the friend to let him know that I am not interested in him like that but I find myself spending time at their house often because I want to be around this beautiful man and I enjoying spending time with the friend. I don't want to come out and say "I'm not interested in you like that" because I don't want to hurt his feelings. So here's the deal... how do I make sure that the beautiful man knows that I want to fuck his brains out but also make sure that the friend knows that I just want to be friends and most importantly not hurt anyone in the process?
-caffeine addicted
CA,
What a mess you have yourself in. Or potentially have yourself in. Having gone through a "work experience" recently, my first advice is to be very careful. Hurt feelings need to be avoided by everyone; but mostly for you. Protect your own ass first, everyone else second.
That said, carefully test the water with the beautiful man. If you get the feeling he's into it, push a little further. How far you put yourself out there is up to you and your comfort level. I have a hard time with boundaries when it comes to the object of my desire, but that's not always a good thing.
As far as the friend goes......you may have to just tell him straight up that you're "just not that into him". Whatever you do, you cannot use "work" as the reason not to fuck the friend. It'll just look bad when the beautiful man is pounding you down the hall from his room.
Good Luck CA!
XOXO,
Jez
Guys out there-----if you're making the move and she's not into it, what's the best way for us to let you know this?
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2 spanks:
As brutal as it seems, if you don't like us, or if you don't see us getting together in the future (either socially or sexually), PLEASE, let us know early, before we invest too much time, energy, or emotion.
Most guys are eternal optimists and think that eventually you will fall for us, but, at the same time, we like, and can live with, boundaries and definitions. Tell us we are "just friends" and then we'll decide if we want to play that role.
The one thing a woman can't do, is have it both ways. You can't tell us we are "just friends" and then expect us to flirt, compliment, and pursue like before. After that conversation you can't get mad if we chase or talk about other women, oogle girls on the street in your presence, or bitch and moan about the bitches that makes us moan.
If you really see me in one role, tell me early and stick with it, so I can pursue other options. To play and tease for your own ego is cruel.
I don't think there's much difference between a girl telling a guy she's not interested to a guy telling a girl he's not interested.
If you value them as a friend, you play up the point that you like the friendship. If you don't value them as a friend, and don't want to get into anything with them, you have to ask yourself what you're doing hanging around with them in the first place. . .!
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